I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
