Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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