Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
