Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
