Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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