My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
