We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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