I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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