it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
