I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
