nut hugger
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so let's talk penis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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