I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're too hungover to prance.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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