we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
