My balls are so social today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
