they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
