Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
