so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
