you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
