GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
