Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
