About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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