im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
