when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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