A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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