some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
