How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
