Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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