I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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