I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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