oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
