You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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