Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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