I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
