Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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