why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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