if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
