I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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