your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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