Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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