I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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