I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
