I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
