ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
