when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
