First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize