Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
