his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
