Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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