she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
