You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
