cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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