dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
