you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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