Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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