she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
