The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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