Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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