Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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