Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
