What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
