Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
