You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
