I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
