i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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