i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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