508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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