We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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