Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want a musical about memes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
