drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
