listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
