you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
