I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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