So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
