I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
