You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
