I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
