i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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